No Need to Exercise Trepidation

6 Jun

Hello friends! 

I hope you have all have a colorful weekend!!!

I stumbled upon an email yesterday that reminded me that I have a race this Sunday!

Oh my, it’s been since March 15th since I last raced!!! This no running prescription peppered with a skimmed running routine has me elated but equally reserved. 

Will I go out there Sunday morning with speed? Or will I go out there haunted by the possibility of pain? 

The synonymous perpetuity of running and life is extraordinarily. I find my current predicament to be an interesting one…

With my current running endeavors being placed on a temporary hold, I have found that I am overwhelmed with anxiety that I will not have the speed and agility I have worked so tirelessly for. Equally so, I am grappling over the inertia of other variables in my life that have finally gained traction. In one catalytic event my tomorrows could be forever changed (hip surgery and more).

I’m challenged because I feel like I’m dancing on a tightrope where both sides, should I fall, would have me landing on familiar but unwanted ground. I have planted my feet firmly on that patch of earth and it took years to acclimate myself to its difficult misleading terrain. Like a chameleon I managed the difficult seasons and adopted to the crowds all without being true to myself. I found myself when I started to run. Running gave me the freedom to break the banal mold. And now, well now I am restricted to engage in my love for running until I meet pure exhaustion. Oddly enough, I am also exorbitantly happy, probably more so than what I deserve. I am between a happy place and a funk but I’d rather glide on the tightrope and make it to the other side of the unknown than fall onto familiar territory. Been there. Done that.

This is why I have a current pang of tension in my heart. Tension comprised of both my athletic and personal affairs. The tension comes from my fear to disappoint myself in my running abilities and tension from my fear to move forward with others. But like running our only option is to move forward.

In running and in life our only options to get to the finish line, to get to the other side of the tightrope, is moving forward. You can’t look down and you can’t look back without threatening your future-the future that is finally within sight! 
I must exchange an apology…an apology to you and myself…the concerns I fret over are my own and I should not greet you with them. I don’t want to haunt my history. I may suddenly feel inadequate in my aspirations because I feel humiliated and unsure of my abilities because of the threat of surgery, life, what ifs and recovery…but I believe in progress. 

Each setback is an opportunity for a comeback…and with that, I will take on this race in Sunday and own it! I will give 110% and although I may not have my best performance, it will be my best performance with my current condition. There is no need to exercise trepidation!!! 

What have you found that motivates you through your day-to-day conditions? How to you run through it to get to your future?

Thanks for stopping by!!!

XO

Valgal 

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